I never really thought about what it means to have a "special needs" kid. I usually would think of severely disabled kids or severely autistic children. Maybe I would even think of extraordinarily gifted kids. I never really thought any of my kids would fall into the special needs category.
After years of struggling and second guessing my parenting methods, I finally broke down and took my oldest child to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. She confirmed what I already knew in my heart. Our oldest child as a high functioning form of autism called Asperger's Syndrome. At least now everything makes sense. The obsessions, the social disconnect, the spinning (Literally. Lane is almost 9 years old and he loves to spin around in circles like a two year old. Who knew they would actually have a name for that? Stimming - self-stimulation).
I have always beat myself up over why and how I must've failed Lane somehow. That is before his official diagnosis. Did I not hold him enough as a baby? Should I have nursed him longer (his dislike for being held even as an infant caused him to wean himself at nine and a half months. He hated to be cuddled and nursing was hard for him). Though I felt like I talked to him and included him in everything I did, still...should I have talked to him more? Read to him more? Should I have disciplined him more gently? I used to sit in my room and cry and pray that God would help me help him on our worst days.
So while one might imagine that this diagnosis would be upsetting to us, it is actually encouraging. I feel freed from that guilt and feeling of responsibility for some of Lane's issues. I know now that there is nothing I could've done better to help Lane. He was born this way. As a matter of fact, the reason he does as well as he does could be because of how hard we have worked with him. We did read to him every day as a young child. Book after book. I did wear him in the sling everyday. I did breastfeed him. Etc. etc. I did everything I knew to do that was good for my little boy. It is a good thing I did.
So with time, Lane can learn social cues and become quite successful. He may always struggle in social situations, but now that we know what we are dealing with, we can begin to teach him how to cope. I will post more info on Asperger's Syndrome soon.
I had no idea Katherine!! I will be praying for you and for sweet Lane! I am so glad you have a good outlook on it and you are not letting Satan get a foothold on this!
ReplyDeleteKatherine, you are such a blessing! So many people view autism so negatively. True it does make things more difficult for children, especially the social aspect, but all children are miracles and special in their own way. Lane is bright and handsome and he is lucky to have a family who loves him so much. You are a wonderful mother, who has done everything in her power to raise a healthy and happy child. I think about you and your family often, and just don't tell you enough how amazing you are. I hope that with your continued hard work that Lane will be able to be more social and grow up to be very successful. God bless you and your beautiful children!
ReplyDeleteLane is a smart and sweet kid who has come a long way already. Ethan considers him a good friend.
ReplyDeleteI have seen my daughter go thru much of the same thing. Doctor after doctor poking and prodding and no answers. She felt it was her fault. Finally, he was diagnosed as hyperlexic. It is a form of autism. Jacob is 7 and in second grade. I strongly advise the book "the alphabet kids". It tells about all types of autism,and is a great resource. Autistic children are very special children that God only give to very special moms to love.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone, you are very encouraging to me. I appreciate that a lot. It's not all bad anyway. Did you know that Bill Gates and Dan Akroyd have Asperger's? Some have theorized that Einstien had it too. There is a facet of Asperger's that causes intense focus in certain subjects of interest for some people.
ReplyDeleteSorry Katherine....D is my google account. This is DeLisa.
ReplyDeleteIf you are concerned with Lane's academics, why don't you ask Jason to give him achievement testing to discover the strengths and weaknesses. That may be helpful for you to know. Jason has access to those tests and would do it for free....just a thought.
ReplyDeleteHello Katherine, this is DeLisa. I have tried to make this post under my google account earlier, but it is not posting for some reason. Stef has it right Katherine. Also,many children with Asperger's are gifted in some areas of academics and they can also be very artistic. In my experiences working with students who have Asperger's and also Autism, the biggest difficulty was most often written expression and social skills.
ReplyDeleteChildren with Asperger's and Autism are extremely visual and it can be difficult to keep them on task during typical instruction. When I taught in Vestavia Hills, my school introduced a new technology known as a Promethian board. I quickly saw how much it helped these students because the visuals caught their attention. If you have a laptop computer and a TV both with a VGA connection, then you can download the free Promethian board software and use the free Promethian Planet flip chart lessons by connecting your laptop to the TV. This shortcut only means you can download and use the lesson content to project from your computer to the the TV screen. It is a bit different than having the really expensive white board set up which is by far more interactive. When I left Vestavia and taught at a school for juveniles, they did not have the same technology, so I used the short cut method and it worked well for all of the students. I just had to be in control of the computer while teaching.
Computer software is another thing I used to supplement classroom instruction; however, it was used as a reward the last few minutes of class even though it was educational. For instance, I would find web sites that would have math games for practice in the area of need etc...
These children can also have behavior problems in school mainly due to their lack of expressive and receptive language. One method I sometimes used with behavior was a typical kitchen timer. One student with autism had a major thing for being on the computer, so he had to complete so much of his class work first. Then, when he did earn computer time, there was a timer in place for fifteen minutes and then I dwindled to ten minutes at the end of class. After an adjustment period, the child understood the timer was his computer time and that he had to go back to class afterwards or else lose computer time at the end of the next class. Another thing I used with a couple of students was a behavior sheet for each class of the day that was about whether or not they made good decisions or bad decisions. It was not always pretty when they got a bad check, but they got with the program with practice. After awhile, I could just move towards that folder sitting on my desk without saying a word, and the students got themselves in check in a hurry...lol. Children with Asburger's and Autism are not dumb. They just need to learn those social skills along with those academics. This does involve teaching them boundaries sometimes.Sorry for writing so much of a book....may I suggest that you get a second opinion just to be sure Katherine. Sparks clinic in downtown Birmingham may be the place to call.
Hey Lisa, wow! Thanks so much. I have started teaching Lane to type (he's caught on very fast) and have been letting him type some of his school work. He does have a lot of trouble with written stuff (creativity in writing is nill for him) I can't wait to check out the the promethian board thing. Oh and yes Hank and I have discussed a second opinion...we will. Yet it does all "fit".
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